Yesterday morning, Klud the Goblin sent out a newsletter to talk about Fable: Blood of Heroes being out. Here’s the first part of that newsletter:
Klud: You said I’d only have to send these things out once every three months. It’s only been two months since the last newsletter. Go away and let me sleep.
Jim: I said about every three months, and I have a new book out today.
Klud: Not my problem, human.
Jim: Oh, I know all about your problem.
Klud: What are you talking about?
Jim: I heard you on the phone the other day.
Klud: I’ll do the stupid newsletter.
Jim: Did you ever get through to someone at ABC Studios? Did they tell you where to send your gifts? I don’t know much about goblin courting rituals, but—
Klud: I’m typing now!
Jim: You know she’s in a committed relationship with Kermit, right?
Klud: I’m trying to write a newsletter. Shut up and go away!!!
I didn’t think much of it at the time. And then, later that afternoon, Kermit the Frog posted this:
After careful thought, thoughtful consideration and considerable squabbling, Miss Piggy made the difficult decision to terminate our romantic relationship. We will continue to work together on television (“The Muppets”/Tuesdays 8pm this fall on ABC) and in all media now known or hereafter devised, in perpetuity, throughout the universe. However, our personal lives are now distinct and separate, and we will be seeing other people, pigs, frogs, et al. This is our only comment on this private matter. Thank you for your understanding.
I don’t know when or how he did it, but the truth is clear: Klud broke up Kermit and Piggy!
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was so serious, or so skilled in the ways of goblin-pig romance. I apologize to Kermit, to fans of “Pigmit,” and to everyone else Klud hurt in his pursuit of muppet love.
Ugh … there’ll be no living with him after this.