Choose the Form of the Scalzi
Yesterday, the Aicardi Syndrome Foundation fundraiser crossed the $10,000 line, with twelve days left to go. I admit, I’m wincing a little in anticipation of all the poses yet to do, but mostly I’m just amazed and grateful and stunned and happy. Thank you all! I’m working on details of the $10,000 goal, and will post that as soon as things are finalized.
Yesterday also saw the end of the first Jim Hines vs. John Scalzi pose-off, in which Mister Scalzi SHAMELESSLY tried to buy people’s votes by offering to donate more money to ASF. The NERVE of that guy! I’m happy to say I still won the pose-off, with 54% of the roughly 6500 votes. Here in the U.S., we call that a MANDATE! Score one for democracy
But John Scalzi is not one to accept defeat. He has already challenged me to a rematch. A CHRISTMAS-THEMED rematch, to be posted on December 25!
I considered challenging him to do the cover of his own book The God Engines [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy], mostly for the amusement factor. Then I thought about pulling something off of Escher Girls, like maybe this illustration of Wonder Woman. And then I found myself looking at some anime covers that made the Wonder Woman illustration look positively tame.
Then I realized my brain was still pudding after hitting $10,000, and that I clearly needed help. So I turn to you for help, oh Internet!
WHAT COVER SHOULD WE INFLICT UPON MISTER SCALZI? And also myself, since we’ll both be doing this one. Leave your suggestion in the comments, and if yours is chosen, I’ll send you an autographed copy of the Heroes in Training [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy] anthology I edited a few years back.
(I may also steal a few suggestions for the other cover poses I need to do. If I choose your idea for one of those, I’ll send you my undying gratitude!)
And in other awesome charity news, Peter Brett is once again organizing a Dungeons & Dragons game at ConFusion with me, Saladin Ahmed, Myke Cole, Pat Rothfuss, Mary Robinette Kowal, Diana Rowland, and Sam Sykes. And he’s auctioning off one additional spot in the game, with the proceeds going to Worldbuilders for Heifers International.
December 19, 2012 @ 9:39 am
My suggested pose is on the cover of FANGS FOR THE MAMMARIES: http://www.amazon.com/Fangs-Mammaries-Fantasy-Esther-Friesner/dp/1439133921/
December 19, 2012 @ 9:47 am
What the hell, let’s go for way out there: Bimbos of the Death Sun! http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cckRai3su3c/TassnAYYSJI/AAAAAAABFmU/Oev-uRS-29E/s1600/0-37%2BSharyn%2BMcCrumb%2BBimbos%2Bof%2Bthe%2BDeath%2BSun%2BTSR087.jpg
December 19, 2012 @ 9:48 am
I am concerned. If you’re branching out into the poses women strike in comic books, you’re going to kill yourselves.
December 19, 2012 @ 10:10 am
Soulless–less sexualized than some, but oh that back! http://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/6381205-soulless
December 19, 2012 @ 10:12 am
I went kind of classical.
Typical awful DAW book cover from the 70s: http://img1.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/r/d/rdqqcivr7xkqqkr.jpg
Horrendous cover for a Joanna Russ novel that must have given her nightmares: http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/We_who_are_about_to-e1352884225368.jpg
I’m… not actually sure someone could stay upright standing like this: http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/moonfernsandsc.jpg
The most unlikely position I’ve ever seen a man in on a cover: http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/wellofshiuah.jpg
December 19, 2012 @ 10:15 am
The Martian Chronicles
December 19, 2012 @ 10:15 am
I’d like to suggest this:
Because it is the illustration on the front of “how to draw” book. I know it seems a little bit mean, but if you can’t match a “how to” pose, then maybe it should be a “how not” instead?
December 19, 2012 @ 10:16 am
Iron Kissed & River Marked by Patricia Briggs
December 19, 2012 @ 10:36 am
I’d like to see him try Tom O’Bedlam’s Night Out http://pics.librarything.com/picsizes/ab/cf/abcfcb7733ebdf159724b766567444341587343.jpg
December 19, 2012 @ 10:39 am
Ohhh, how about something from the worst of the worst? Gor covers! http://castleravenwood.epalaces.com/libraryofgor/bookcovers.htm
What could be worse?
Katharine Eliska Kimbriel
December 19, 2012 @ 11:01 am
After seeing that Joanna Russ cover, I am not sure I can ever complain about a cover again….
There are serious contenders already listed. I bow to their memories.
Jim C. Hines
December 19, 2012 @ 11:15 am
If one of us dies, then he automatically forfeits the pose-off!
December 19, 2012 @ 11:55 am
Any of Robin Hobb’s ‘farseer’ covers, but particularly the Apprentice, since it brings to mind a sort of ‘father winter’ vibe, although it breaks the mold as the protaganist is a young man: http://www.amazon.com/Assassins-Apprentice-The-Farseer-ebook/dp/B000FBFMG6/ref=pd_sim_kstore_2
But then I decided to be serious, and a) go with a woman on the cover, and b) take to heart the original thought process of your project – so I limited myself to a search of hardbacks published in the last 30 days in the sci/fi fantasy section of amazon. And came up with this:http://www.amazon.com/Immortal-Secrets-Dungard-Ashley-Hengy/dp/1475964250/ref=sr_1_46?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355935716&sr=1-46
“Immortal secrets”. Apparently the immortals want to keep secrets from women in strapless dresses?
December 19, 2012 @ 1:16 pm
Is it too evil to suggest “Green” by Jay Lake?
Another one that might be interesting is “Alien Diplomacy” by Gini Koch:
December 19, 2012 @ 2:05 pm
Ever since I saw this cover http://img834.imageshack.us/img834/8931/kdwentworthblackonblack.jpg I’ve wanted someone to try to emulate it.
Or to explain what even.
Either way, I’m good.
December 19, 2012 @ 4:04 pm
My vote is for “The Wanderer” by Fritz Leiber!!!
December 19, 2012 @ 4:05 pm
Discount Armageddon: An Incrytid Novel by Seanan McGuire
December 19, 2012 @ 4:25 pm
I think you should give your back a rest after the last lot! Try doing the Fire Dragon by Katharine Kerr. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fire-Dragon-Mage/dp/0006482619/ref=sr_1_15?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355952159&sr=1-15
You can put your hip out instead! Lol.
Also, I’m curious if you can find a very flimsy gauze dress and a dragon to fight! (Because those two things obviously go together, right?)
December 19, 2012 @ 4:32 pm
It’s only a silhouette, but it would interesting to see someone attempt the pose on the cover of “A Modern Witch” by Debora Geary
December 19, 2012 @ 4:37 pm
From the latest Bujold, particularly the woman on the couch: http://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/16130322-captain-vorpatril-s-alliance
December 19, 2012 @ 4:48 pm
How about this classic torso twister on the cover of “Tangled Threads” by Jennifer Estep
Apparently, the character’s boobs and butt are much more important than her face which has been cut off.
December 19, 2012 @ 5:24 pm
Seeing men re-create almost any of the old “Red Sonja” cover art would be interesting to say the least. (Okay, I really just want to see Scalzi in a chainmaille bikini. He could add jingle bells to make it Christmas-y. 😛 )
December 19, 2012 @ 6:54 pm
Looking for covers was surprisingly fun, and testing them for difficulty was even more enjoyable. My shortlist was around 10-12 books long, and I’ve cut it down to the four that caused the greatest discomfort:
Edith Layton’s Surrender to Love: http://www.amazon.com/Surrender-Love-Edith-Layton/dp/images/0451159128
A new cover of Kelley Armstrong’s Bitten: http://li8htnin8bookfiend.blogspot.co.nz/2012/02/kelley-armstrong.html
Suzy Turner’s December: http://www.amazon.com/December-Moon-Raven-Saga-Part/dp/9899734837/ref=sr_1_162?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355959570&sr=1-162&keywords=witch
This pose cannot be done unless you cheat and lean on something. I managed a decent amount of success bracing my knee on the bathtub. Also, it’s aimed at children and young adults.
Nick Pollota’s Gentlemen Prefer Witches: http://www.amazon.com/Gentlemen-Prefer-Witches-Fantasy-Pollotta/dp/1771150300/ref=sr_1_57?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355959089&sr=1-57&keywords=witch#reader_B007XJ6ZDC
This one will require tiptoes/very high heels to get the full impact across I suspect.
After all that I feel incredibly well stretched out now, I normally have at least moderate backpain, but now I’m down to a dull ache from all the twisting and turning, so thanks Jim for providing me with some fast and effective pain relief.
December 19, 2012 @ 7:08 pm
How about the *back* cover of Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance? Which has not only odd contortions (where is that leg coming from?) but gratuitous undress. None of which has anything to do with what happens in the book.
Added bonus, you two could get your wives involved sitting there in place of Ivan. Paint one of the kids blue.
I have heard rumors this might be the front cover of the Trade Paperback. I hope that is a very false rumor.
Jim C. Hines
December 19, 2012 @ 8:35 pm
I think I’ve got a different one I want to use for Scalzi, but that’s going on my list for the sheer WTFery of that pose.
December 19, 2012 @ 8:52 pm
OK, granted, these aren’t nearly as interesting as some of the others people have posted, but…
Under the Gun by Hannah Jayne
The Queen is Dead…Long May She Reign by Kate Locke
Crossed by Ally Condie
Blood Trade: A Jane Yellowrock Novel
Of these, I think Crossed might require the most balance since she’s on the tips of her toes, basically, and then there’s the added coolness of miming being in the sphere.
Good luck, and may the chiropractors be with you.
December 20, 2012 @ 4:48 am
Good call on Tangled Threads there Zhi Zhu! I don’t think I’ve seen a purer example of the execrable way women in urban fantasy are sexualized and de-personalized. I mean at least most give you a decent face while contorting their heroine into a Gumby-esque shape to simultaneously display their tits and ass (with a preference for some good leg, shoulder, and cleavage views mixed in too).
*Sorry for double-posting. The original decided to go in-line rather than as a reply*
December 20, 2012 @ 8:25 am
I think the victor should then raise a statue of you in your memory, in the pose that killed you.
But in that case, I offer you this, which is probably wouldn’t prove fatal although I’ve just tried it and though it looks simple it really isn’t possible and it hurts. Her knees would have to be at completely different levels.
It’s particularly annoying because 1) it’s Adi Granov and WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ADI GRANOV, YOU DID IRON MAN EXTREMIS, I ONLY WANT TO LOVE YOU. 2) INSIDE the book, Wanda is warm, comfortable and attractive in a lovely coat and trousers, 3) Also inside the book, she is DOING THINGS, like trying to pay her respects to Charles Xavier, getting into a fight with Rogue, and then getting seriously injured by unexpected mutant kidnappers. Any of which you’d think might inspire a great piece of art from an artist who’s so good at painting gorgeous people doing interesting things, but, oh, no. Wanda’ll just be kneeling, pouting and grabbing her boob today.
December 20, 2012 @ 12:01 pm
Tangled Threads by Jennifer Estep
Venom by Jennifer Estep
Phoenix Rising by Pip Ballantine
December 20, 2012 @ 12:35 pm
Just realized a positive side effect to all of this.. There are a lot of good books, cover aside, on these lists for people to check out 🙂
December 21, 2012 @ 11:31 am
Great covers to choose from! I don’t, however, see any that are Christmas-themed yet. How about Kidnapped for Christmas by Evangeline Anderson? http://www.amazon.com/Kidnapped-for-Christmas-ebook/dp/B00311JTYS/ref=sr_1_283?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356107098&sr=1-283&keywords=christmas#_
Jim C. Hines
December 21, 2012 @ 8:49 pm
I think the plan was for us to make it Christmas themed, in whatever way we decided to go with.
Jim C. Hines
December 21, 2012 @ 9:03 pm
Except my spine.
December 24, 2012 @ 4:18 am
I’m so glad you posted this. The cover’s unbelievable, like someone read the synopsis and decided to set up the characters as the shallowest caricatures of themselves.