Getting a little frustrated with contradictory and flat-out misinformation popping up in social media and elsewhere, so I’m pulling together the reliable and verified info I can find. This is as much for myself as anyone else, but hopefully it will be useful to others.

I’ll try to update things as needed. Let me know if I’ve missed anything big.

How it Spreads

According to the Centers for Disease Control, as of March 3:

“The virus is thought to spread mainly from person-to-person.

• Between people who are in close contact with one another (within about 6 feet).
• Through respiratory droplets produced when an infected person coughs or sneezes. These droplets can land in the mouths or noses of people who are nearby or possibly be inhaled into the lungs.

It may be possible that a person can get COVID-19 by touching a surface or object that has the virus on it and then touching their own mouth, nose, or possibly their eyes, but this is not thought to be the main way the virus spreads.”

How Dangerous is it?

My son was getting mixed messages at school about how COVID-19 compares to the flu, and which one is more dangerous. Which…well, it depends.

Numerically, the flu is far more widespread and dangerous so far. According to Johns Hopkins’ Medicine, as of March 2, we’re looking at approximately 90,279 cases of COVID-19 worldwide, and 100 cases in the U.S. There have been approximately 3,085 COVID-19 deaths worldwide, and 6 in the U.S.

But we’re in the early stages of COVID-19, and those numbers are increasing.

For comparison, there are about a billion cases of the flu worldwide and between 9 million and 45 million in the U.S. each year. The flu causes between 291,000 and 646,000 deaths worldwide, and 12,000 to 61,000 deaths in the U.S. per year.

The Clinical Fatality Rate for COVID-19, according to the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention, is 2.3% overall, per a study of roughly 72,000 cases, updated February 11. For comparison, the mortality rate for the flu is about 0.1% annually.

The Chinese CDC found that the CFR is higher for elderly and critical ill patients:

• 14.8% in patients 80 and older
• 8% in patients ages 70 to 79
• 49% for critically ill patients

In addition, “CFR was elevated among those with preexisting comorbid conditions—10.5% for cardiovascular disease, 7.3% for diabetes, 6.3% for chronic respiratory disease, 6.0% for hypertension, and 5.6% for cancer.”

There are a lot of factors to consider here. We’re still developing tests and treatment for the disease. Milder cases may be going undetected. Treatment will vary depending on health care in a given country, and how overwhelmed the medical system is.

Vaccine/Treatment

From the CDC, ” There is no specific antiviral treatment recommended for COVID-19. People with COVID-19 should receive supportive care to help relieve symptoms. For severe cases, treatment should include care to support vital organ functions.”

There’s currently no vaccine for COVID-19. According to Time Magazine, Moderna Therapeutics is hoping to have a vaccine ready to begin human testing as early as April of this year.

Per the National Institutes of Health, as of February, “a randomized, controlled clinical trial to evaluate the safety and efficacy of the investigational antiviral remdesivir in hospitalized adults diagnosed with COVID-19 has begun at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha.”

Protecting Yourself from COVID-19

Unless otherwise indicated, these tips come from the CDC.

1. Wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds. Especially:
   • after going to the bathroom
   • before eating
   • after blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing.
2. Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth.
3. Avoid close contact with people who are sick.
4. If at all possible, stay home if you’re sick.
5. Hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol is effective against COVID-19.

A note about facemasks: “The CDC does not recommend that people who are well wear a facemask to protect themselves from respiratory diseases, including COVID-19.” (emphasis added)

Additional Steps

• Get your damn flu shot. COVID-19 symptoms can be similar to the flu, so protecting yourself can save you the fear and panic of a false COVID-19 alarm. Plus, you know, it can save you from getting and spreading the flu.
• Take care of your health in general. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise … all those basic steps that can strengthen your immune system.

Don’t be a Dick

For example, don’t avoid Chinese restaurants because you think “those people” might have the virus.

Also, when talking about the dangers of the disease…

A friendly reminder: people who will be high-risk patients if we get coronavirus can hear you when you reassure everyone we’re the only ones who might die.

— Alexandra Brodsky (@azbrodsky) February 29, 2020

Saturday will be six months from the day my wife died. Roughly fifteen months since she began getting noticeably sick.

It’s been a strange journey so far. I still think about Amy every day. I’m still seeing a therapist and going to a support group. I feel like, for the most part, I’ve got the day-to-day under control. Thinking about the future, about the longer term … that remains rather nebulous and overwhelming.

One of the effects I’ve noticed is that, while I’m able to get through most days well, I don’t have as much of a buffer for extra or unexpected stress. My shield is more of a buckler these days.

It’s why I haven’t been blogging as much, particularly about potentially divisive topics. I’ve got plenty of Opinions — that hasn’t changed — but I know the backlash has the potential to knock me down harder and longer than before. I’ll get there eventually, I think. I’m just not there yet.

Little things continue to trip me up, which I know is normal. I was shopping for new glasses and having a really hard time making a decision. Partly because the local eye place doesn’t have a great selection. But partly because the last time I did this, Amy was with me, and helped me pick out my current frames.

Last week, for the first time, I cooked one of Amy’s meals. Nothing fancy — chicken breasts and rice — but it was something she always made, and I never did. My son says it wasn’t quite as good as when mama made it, but he went back for seconds, so I’m counting it as a win.

Then there’s the silly stuff. I’ve been using Amy’s razors to shave my head, and I’m a bit annoyed I didn’t start sooner. Hers work much better than mine. They’ve got safety features and more built-in lotion/lubrication … I may throw mine away and keep buying razors from the women’s section from now on!

Socially, I’m still getting out with friends and family, which is good. I haven’t gone full extrovert or anything, but I’m making more of a conscious effort to communicate with people. Though I still drop the ball there sometimes.

So that’s the current State of the Jim. Things are going relatively well, considering. I’m getting through each day, and starting to try to figure out what the future might look like. And I’m grateful as always for all of the love and understanding and support people have shown.

ConFusion was a strange experience this year, in some ways. I didn’t bring my camera. I only did one panel, along with a reading and the group autographing. I didn’t even wear the fancy author jacket. I just showed up in my T-shirt and jeans and mostly just hung out.

This was also the first time I’d brought my son along. It was fun getting to spend the weekend with him. I know he got a bit bored when I’d get caught up talking to all of my grown-up friends, but I think he had a good time. He attended a few panels on his own, went swimming, did some art stuff, played Pokemon Go with me and Suzanne Church … and at the end, he said he wanted to come back again next year.

One of the best parts for me — really, the primary reason I wanted to go — was seeing people again. This was my first convention in more than a year.

One of the most frustrating parts — as it always is — was not having enough time with everyone.

Lots of people asked how I was doing, or expressed condolences, or said they didn’t know what to say, or gave me a hug… and it all helped. It all made me feel cared about and less alone with everything I’ve been through in the past year and a half. Thank you all for that.

And then I came back home and spent an hour shoveling snow and ice so I could get my car into the garage.

#

Back home, and back to the routine. It’s almost five months now since Amy died. Fourteen months since she started getting sick. The sadness and the loneliness and the emptiness are all still very much there, but I’ve been feeling more functional. I’m continuing to do what I can to take care of myself and the kids. And to paraphrase my therapist, there’s a bit of confidence that I can do this. I don’t like it, and it’s a hell of a lot harder, but I’m managing.

I was even able to break through the last part of the outline on Terminal Peace and get back to writing the ending this week.

I’ve done a fair amount of reading about grief and being a widower and single parent, trying to be proactive about self-care and caring for the kids. Some of the changes I’ve made in the past months…

• Exercise – I’ve been doing this pretty much since Amy got sick. I think it’s a coping mechanism. But as long as I don’t get obsessive about it, it’s a healthy one. (Side note: No less than three people last week commented that I looked (or felt) like I’d been working out. That was unexpected, but nice.)
• Game night – I’ve got a group of gaming friends, and we never manage to get together to do stuff. Well, I herded those cats into a monthly get-together, because I need more social interaction and escape. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep that going.
• Therapy – I started back with my therapist, and have also been attending a weekly support group for parents who’ve lost a partner. It helps me to stay in touch with the grief and keep working through it, and to make sure I’m continuing to take active steps to manage everything the best I can.
• Asking for Help – I recruited my father to take my son to one of his weekly things. It’s only one night a week, but it frees up a couple hours of my time, and it’s a little less stress on my shoulders. (I need to keep working on this one…)
• Saying Yes to Social Stuff – As much as I can, if someone invites me to lunch or a movie or whatever, I’m trying to say yes. Even if I’m not always feeling super-social. It helps me to get out and stay connected with other people. (I need to get more proactive about initiating this stuff.)
• Letting Myself Grieve – Sometimes the grief just hits. It happened at work a couple weeks back, triggered by a conversation about hospitals. It happened Saturday afternoon at the con, and I have no idea what cause it that time. Rather than trying to keep the pain locked away, I try to let it just happen. Let myself be sad. Let myself miss her. Let myself cry, if it happens. It hurts, but there’s a sense of release to it, and I’m more functional afterward.

So to answer the most frequently asked question of the weekend, I’m doing okay. Not great — it’s probably going to take a while to reach great — but okay. It hurts, but I feel like I’m getting closer to acceptance of what my life looks like now.

I think Amy would be proud of how her husband and kids are holding up and working through things.