Adventures of Michigan Man

From time to time, I see people collecting headlines about the wacky adventures of “Florida Man.” I decided to take a look and see what my home state’s “superhero” has been up to lately…

• Michigan Man attends 5000th local high school sporting event. Not exactly epic, but still an accomplishment of sorts.
• Michigan Man collects 17000 PEZ dispensers. Michigan Man has interesting hobbies.
• Michigan Man returns book 49 years later. Okay, that’s sort of heroic, right? Even if it was his own library book.
• Michigan Man raises young buck after his mother was hit by car. That’s more like it. Way to go, Michigan Man! And I’m sorry about your mother.
• Michigan Man bites, stabs another over stirring of chili. Oh, Michigan Man, no.
• Michigan Man proposes at Wal-Mart, gets arrested. Remember kids, don’t steal edible thongs!
• Michigan Man Flies Off Car Hood When It Rams Police Cruiser. You will believe Michigan Man can fly!
• How Michigan Man made Goldfish crackers a snack phenomenon. I can’t tell if this is a superhero or a supervillain thing.
• Michigan Man Accidentally Digs Up Rare Woolly Mammoth Bones. But really, who among us hasn’t?
• Michigan Man’s Scrotum Becomes 80lbs. Yeah, I got nothing.

What can I say. Deadpool he ain’t.