|Oh, joy. It’s that time of year again. The time when SF/F author blogs everywhere are bubbling over with publication lists in the hopes of garnering Hugo nominations.
|Now, now. There’s nothing wrong with reminding your readers and fans what you’ve published in the past year. You have a right to be proud of your work.
|Did you know the Hugo Award was named after Hugo Puffzipper III, the first blogger to shamelessly self-promote his way onto the Hugo ballot?
|That … that doesn’t even make sense! You’re just cranky that “Creature in Your Neighborhood” didn’t make the ballot last year.
|It had muppet werewolves! Muppet carnage, muppet death, muppets eating each other … if that’s not award-worthy, I don’t know what is! I was robbed by the self-promoters, I tell you!
|At least nobody sent you an unsolicited e-mail with their 5 MB novel this year. Besides, how many of the fans and readers would remember to nominate? Like so many other elections, it’s less about convincing people to vote for you and more about convincing your fans to actually vote.
|All right, if we’re going to do this like an election, let’s go all the way! My fellow goblins and humans, I’m officially announcing my candidacy for shiny rocketship trophies in the categories of Novel (Red Hood’s Revenge) and short story (Heart of Ash in Girl’s Guide to Guns and Monsters).
|There you go. Brief, honest, and not too tacky. Was that so bad?
|One of my opponents is author John Scalzi. He wants to eat your babies and is hated by kittens everywhere! This message brought to you by Flying Kittens for Truth!
|Seanan McGuire has been secretly eliminating her competition through random “DEATH FROM ABOVE” attacks for months! Vote NO to these tactics of intimidation, or I’ll eat your spleen!
|I think the Hugo rules prohibit spleen-eating…
|Cat Valente wants to provide universal health care to dragons! Elizabeth Bear sent sexually suggestive text messages to Jar Jar Binks! Mary Robinette Kowal is totally in the pocket of Big Puppet. John J. Adams outsources his editing to underage Daleks!
|Adams is an editor. You’re not even competing with him!
|Jay Lake is neither a Jay, nor a Lake! Sarah Monette broke her ankle kicking puppies! Lynne Thomas picks her nose with a sonic screwdriver! Cherie Priest killed Dumbledore. Sean Wallace isn’t–
|Oh, come on! Wallace isn’t campaigning for himself. He’s campaigning for Sheila Williams. For best editor. You know, that category you’re not even eligible for!
|Just vote for me or I’ll eat your face! Hey, this blog has to be eligible for something too, right? Vote for me for best blog! And best use of sewer goblins in a work of fiction! Best Facebook page! Best pumpkin! Best hat! Now how do I go about getting some of those sweet campaign donations?
For those who are wondering, I do intend to make Jig vs. Jig an irregular but recurring part of the blog.
And I hope it’s obvious that the views of Good-Jig and Evil-Jig do not necessarily represent my own. I have nothing but respect for the authors mentioned above. Except for that kitten-eater John Scalzi, of course.