England, U.S. Form Axis of Ignorance
by Jim C. Hines
September 11, 2010. Fourteen members of the English Defence League traveled to New York City to protest a proposed Mosque at Ground Zero. Upon arriving in the U.S. to discover that no such proposal exists, they settled for protesting a proposed community center a few blocks away.
“For too long, the rest of the world has mocked American extremists for their over-the-top rhetoric and complete disregard for facts,” said one EDL protester who preferred not to be named. “But the United States is not alone! We stand with our brothers in ignorance.”
“Islam is a religion of war and terror,” said another man, diligently maintaining a straight face while wearing the symbols of the Christian crusades.
Not all extremists were as quick to embrace their would-be allies in ignorance. “I haven’t been in the news for days,” said Florida pastor Terry Jones. “Won’t someone please pay attention to me?”
Thus far, efforts to establish a formal Axis of Ignorance are off to a slow start, due in part to internal conflict. While some Americans welcomed the assistance, others looked upon the EDL with suspicion. “We don’t need none of that imported idiocy,” said one woman. “Buy American!” Another man said he appreciated the EDL’s enthusiasm, but warned them to “Leave their socialized Nazi communist health care at home.”
“The important thing is to alert the people of New York to the danger of this terrorist mosque,” said another EDL protester. When a passerby mentioned that there are over 600,000 Muslims living peacefully in New York City, the protester fled, screaming about “The largest sleeper cell ever.”
A local cabbie summed up his feelings on the protesters thusly. “Tell these out-of-town a**holes to get the hell out of my way.”
Photo by Jill Rayfield.
This article is satire. Duh. While the events are real, all quotes are made up. Here are links to actual news articles on the protest. Thanks to Laura Anne Gilman for the pointer.