Nemesis Wanted. (Must have own black cape.)

So yesterday on Facebook I wrote, “I need a nemesis.”  Because that’s just the sort of thing you write on Facebook, you know?  But the enthusiastic responses got me thinking … a nemesis could be a lot of fun.  Anton Strout has Pat Rothfuss.  Jeff VanderMeer has Evil Monkey.  Why not me?

I am therefore holding auditions for the role of nemesis.  Please post your qualifications below, including any superweapons developed or nefarious schemes carried out.  Extra points will be given for all goatees.  Evil references are helpful, but not required.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with this.  Maybe I’ll force the top candidates to battle online for the high honor of being my nemesis.  I might challenge the winner to a Nerf duel of doom at World Fantasy Con.  I might send my minions to toilet paper your cat.  Maybe I’ll strike a dramatic pose and scream your name after you abandon me on Ceti Alpha V.  Or maybe I’ll just post the occasional taunt on my blog.  Who knows what lengths I’ll go to in order to triumph over my arch foe.

Obviously, this is all in fun.  Like many things, I’m doing it ’cause it amuses me.

Applications are due by the end of the week.  (For those of you who commented over on Facebook, feel free to copy and paste your information here, and to embellish as necessary.)