Oh Zombie Tree (A Holiday Carol)

And now for something completely different…

Oh Zombie Tree
by Jim C. Hines

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
How hungry are your branches!
I hear the screams of lumberjacks
Who tried to slay you with an axe.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
How hungry are your branches!

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
You are the tree most feared.
If ever we venture outside,
We’ll take chainsaws and herbicide.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
You are the tree most feared.

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
Your needles brown and piercing.
Your roots creep through our flesh and brains.
You’re fertilized with our remains.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
Your needles brown and piercing.

8 comments to Oh Zombie Tree (A Holiday Carol)

James Femmer

December 9th, 2011 at 10:29 am

Bravo! Brilliant! *clap clap*
Stephen A. Watkins

December 9th, 2011 at 10:56 am

An Instant Holiday Classic.
Apok

December 9th, 2011 at 11:26 am

Wanna see the animated YouTube version… anyone?
Jayle Enn

December 9th, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Graaaaains…
Betty

December 9th, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Brilliant and just the gift I was looking for for several people….
liz

December 9th, 2011 at 11:25 pm

great. now it’s in my head.
- Jim C. Hines
  
  December 10th, 2011 at 8:47 am
  
  Yeah, I had that same problem all day after writing it…
Susan

December 12th, 2011 at 4:55 pm

It’s a standing O for Oh Zombie Tree! Zombie trees totally beat out triffids.

I’ve never really cared for the classic version; I’ll have to mentally sing these new words whenever I hear it now. Thx.