Jig vs. Jig

Jig vs. Jig: Fan Writer and Other Hugo Stuff

It’s award time again, and author Catherine Schaff-Stump has written a lovely post titled Why I’m Nominating Jim Hines for the Best Fan Writer Hugo (and why you should too). I am truly flattered, and I think you should go read her post right now.

Hugo nominations are open to attending or supporting members of Worldcon in 2011, 2012 or 2013. My eligibility this year includes:

Best Fan Writer (for the blog)

Best Novel (for The Snow Queen’s Shadow)

Best Short Story

  • “In the Line of Duty” from Zombiesque (Undead FBI agent vs. bioterrorists, which did not in any way start out as zombie Criminal Minds fanfic)
  • “The Blue Corpse Corps” from When the Hero Comes Home (Goblins vs. zombies)
  • “Epilogue” from Human for a Day (Slightly surreal piece about living stories. Yes, this one also includes zombies.)

If you’ll be voting for Hugos or Nebulas this year and want to read something of mine, just let me know.

Mary Robinette Kowal has a good post about self-promotion and some of the ways we try to approach it without coming off as self-absorbed and egotistical. The problem is that a fair number of us, myself most definitely included, are both egotistical and rather self-absorbed.

I.e., we’re writers.

My solution is to turn it over to the goblins, because they’re much more entertaining about this stuff…

Vote for me or I’ll eat you.
Why don’t we try to keep things positive this time? We could start by recognizing some of the wonderful books and stories that were published last year–
John Scalzi e-mailed me personally to say his rabbit chewed up his trophy shelf, causing massive structural damage. The animals are safe, but the weight of another Hugo award could destroy his entire house! For the sake of the bunny, DON’T VOTE FOR JOHN SCALZI.
There’s something seriously wrong with you.
Tobias Buckell is eligible in a number of categories, including Best Related Work for Nascence, a collection of FAILED stories! If you’re going to vote for failure, vote goblin instead … wait, that came out wrong.
Do you have any idea how many people are eligible for these things? Are you going to sling mud at them all?
It’s the American way! John J. Adams claims to be the editor of Lightspeed magazine, but when pressed, he admitted he only edits at about Mach 3. Seanan McGuire is actually a team of hyperintelligent typing velociraptors who want to eat your puppy. Jennifer Brozek edited your mom. Cat Valente isn’t even a real cat! Lynne Thomas picks her nose with a sonic screwdriver.
I think you used that last one in 2011.
Shut up! Alma Alexander sparkles in sunlight! Elizabeth Bear had Snoopy fixed! Shweta Narayan had an illicit affair with R2D2! Aliette de Bodard is the 8th horcrux! Neil Clarke cancelled Firefly! N. K. Jemisin writes Veggietales/Mario Brothers porn!
Jemisin didn’t even write a post listing her eligible work!
Yeah, but she’s a really good writer. It’s preemptive mudslinging. Laura Anne Gilman is 1/4 Smurf! (Show us the birth certificate!) Marie Brennan wants to cast Carrot Top as the new Superman! Saladin Ahmed prefers odd-numbered Trek films! Cat Rambo greenlit another Garfield movie! Pat Rothfuss is the host body for a superintelligent alien beard. Nnedi Okorafor keeps the petrified head of H. P. Lovecraft for a trophy!
That’s the World Fantasy Award. Just stop before you embarrass us further.
Do you realize what we could do with a Best Fan Writer rocketship? Imagine flying that golden rocket to the moon. We could establish the first goblin colony in space!
Golaka can create new recipes for moon cheese and if anyone gives us any crap we’ll drop moon rocks on their heads! The only way for goblins to finally live in peace is to WIN ALL THE ROCKETSHIPS!
They’re trophies! The rockets are thirteen inches high! You thought they were handing out real rockets? How exactly did you think John Scalzi was keeping his on a shelf?
I … I just thought it was a really big shelf.

And now I want to win a Hugo so I can use my goblin miniatures to depict their efforts to reach the moon. I could even create a goblin miniatures vs. LEGO minifigs showdown…

If you’ve read something this year that you feel is award-worthy, please feel free to leave your recommendation(s) in the comments!

Jig vs. Jig: Hugo Eligibility

Oh, joy.  It’s that time of year again. The time when SF/F author blogs everywhere are bubbling over with publication lists in the hopes of garnering Hugo nominations.
Now, now.  There’s nothing wrong with reminding your readers and fans what you’ve published in the past year.  You have a right to be proud of your work.
Did you know the Hugo Award was named after Hugo Puffzipper III, the first blogger to shamelessly self-promote his way onto the Hugo ballot?
That … that doesn’t even make sense!  You’re just cranky that “Creature in Your Neighborhood” didn’t make the ballot last year.
It had muppet werewolves!  Muppet carnage, muppet death, muppets eating each other … if that’s not award-worthy, I don’t know what is!  I was robbed by the self-promoters, I tell you!
At least nobody sent you an unsolicited e-mail with their 5 MB novel this year.  Besides, how many of the fans and readers would remember to nominate?  Like so many other elections, it’s less about convincing people to vote for you and more about convincing your fans to actually vote.
All right, if we’re going to do this like an election, let’s go all the way!  My fellow goblins and humans, I’m officially announcing my candidacy for shiny rocketship trophies in the categories of Novel (Red Hood’s Revenge) and short story (Heart of Ash in Girl’s Guide to Guns and Monsters).
There you go.  Brief, honest, and not too tacky.  Was that so bad?
One of my opponents is author John Scalzi.  He wants to eat your babies and is hated by kittens everywhere!  This message brought to you by Flying Kittens for Truth!
Oh dear.
Seanan McGuire has been secretly eliminating her competition through random “DEATH FROM ABOVE” attacks for months!  Vote NO to these tactics of intimidation, or I’ll eat your spleen!
I think the Hugo rules prohibit spleen-eating…
Cat Valente wants to provide universal health care to dragons!  Elizabeth Bear sent sexually suggestive text messages to Jar Jar Binks!  Mary Robinette Kowal is totally in the pocket of Big Puppet. John J. Adams outsources his editing to underage Daleks!
Adams is an editor.  You’re not even competing with him!
Jay Lake is neither a Jay, nor a Lake!  Sarah Monette broke her ankle kicking puppies!  Lynne Thomas picks her nose with a sonic screwdriver!  Cherie Priest killed Dumbledore.  Sean Wallace isn’t–
Oh, come on!  Wallace isn’t campaigning for himself.  He’s campaigning for Sheila Williams.  For best editor.  You know, that category you’re not even eligible for!
Just vote for me or I’ll eat your face!  Hey, this blog has to be eligible for something too, right?  Vote for me for best blog!  And best use of sewer goblins in a work of fiction! Best Facebook pageBest pumpkinBest hat!  Now how do I go about getting some of those sweet campaign donations?


For those who are wondering, I do intend to make Jig vs. Jig an irregular but recurring part of the blog.

And I hope it’s obvious that the views of Good-Jig and Evil-Jig do not necessarily represent my own.  I have nothing but respect for the authors mentioned above.  Except for that kitten-eater John Scalzi, of course.

Jim C. Hines