Guest of Honor Tips

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who chimed in on yesterday’s post.  One of the things I love about my online community is that it’s wonderful for support and for reality-checking–in this case, the reminder that envy is human, and that in fact I’m not the only author in the whole wide world who isn’t getting the six-figure advances

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So tomorrow I fly to Iowa, where I’ll be doing my first stint as Guest of Honor at a convention. Thank you, Icon!

In order to avoid embarrassing myself too much, I’m compiling a list of suggestions for what notto do as GoH.  Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

• “I’m your guest of honor, and I’ll wear pants when I’m good and ready!”
• Guest of Honor Speech: Two hour PowerPoint of I Can Has Cheezburger pics.
• “Oh, handler?  I would like you to bring me … a shrubbery!”
• Insist that all filkers sing “The Song of Jig” whenever I enter a room.
• “I’m here today to tell you about ShamWow! Call now, and I’ll throw in an additional set of ShamWows absolutely free!”
• If any former guests of honor attend, stalk them back to their hotel room and proclaim “There can be only one!”
• Respond to all questions with quotes from Ghostbusters, Princess Bride, and Monty Python.
• Anyone who wants an autograph must first prove they’re not a brains-hungry zombie.

Please feel free to suggest your own.