 [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy] |
General rule: don’t respond to reviews. But then, every rule has an exception… Joshua Palmatier recently posted a review of Mermaid’s Madness that pointed out what he felt was an error. “…at one point, Snow knocks someone down, but without any sign of recovery, the person is back up a few pages later.” I haven’t gone back to double-check this in my book, and I don’t intend to. The book is in print, and it’s not like I can recall and change the copies even if he’s right. Instead, I’ve written a note for my own future reference: When Snow knocks you down, you stay the @#$% down! Already 90 100+ responses to the first novel poll — thanks to everyone for participating and passing the link along. Today, I have a very different but equally vital survey. Vital to me, I mean. See, I’ve been doing the author jacket thing for a few years now, and it works pretty well. But lately I’ve been thinking it needs something more. Lots of authors have leather jackets. Sure, theirs don’t have 41 different pockets, but still … I need something to stand out from the authorly crowd. So I figured I’d add something more, a combination that would be uniquely Jim. What do you think? Yes? No? Needs more plumage?
I’m reminded once again that conflict and drama make popular blog topics. Therefore, I feel it’s time for me to announce my newest project, an unauthorized anthology of Twilight fiction titled Fuschia Eclipse.1 The project will be published by Penguin Droppings, a revolutionary new self-publishing branch of Penguin.2 Publishing is changing, and it’s time to do away with the gatekeepers of traditional publishing and make way for the new millennium! I had originally hoped to be able to pay contributors a token rate of 1/20th of a cent per word3, but after reviewing the Penguin Droppings contract, it turns out contributors will end up owing me $500 per story. However, they will all receive one contributor copy and Valuable Exposure! I’ll only be inviting white male authors for this volume.4 5 But I want to assure everyone I’m neither sexist nor racist. I don’t see race or gender; all I care about is the story! It’s not my fault the only truly great literature comes from white penises! I’m already working on the cover art. I’m thinking something tabloid-style, maybe Jacob Black fighting some vampire raccoons and zombie bunnies?6 All I know is that, for marketing purposes, Jacob will be portrayed by a pale blond kid.7 —
Windycon was a great deal of fun, as always. Got to meet some new folks and catch up with friends … I didn’t have much programming, so in a lot of ways this one turned into a social con for me. Many hugs, lots of hanging out chatting in the lobby and elsewhere. Met some new fans, but managed to keep the ego from getting too swollen (despite certain people’s best efforts). All in all, a good way to spend a weekend. I learned that the steampunk theme brings out a lot of costumers, which was fun to see. Got to hear Tom Smith in concert, ate way too much food, and made it to one and a quarter of my two panels. (DAW vs. Baen was cross-scheduled with the Writing Workshop, so sadly I only caught the last 10 minutes of the panel.) One of the most entertaining moments was when author Kelly Swails donned a Jig the goblin tattoo and decided to pose urban fantasy style, complete with a knife she swiped from the restaurant. Naturally, this called for the full cover art treatment. I’m obviously not a professional graphic designer, but I’m pretty amused by what I was able to put together last night*. Every good goblin-themed urban fantasy requires an equally good title, right? “Goblin Killer Blues” was suggested by archivist Lynne Thomas. Think you can do better? Suggest a title in the comments, and I’ll put the best ideas up for a vote. The winner gets an autographed copy of The Mermaid’s Madness [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. Have fun!
— Slush I Read (Apologies to Seuss) I read slush. That slush I read. Do you like fanfic with vamps? I do not like them Mary Sue. Here’s a tale from D & D! I do not want your D & D. Would you like a hot sex scene? I do not like your pervy tale. That evil font we do not want! Would you read this in the loo? I would not, could not, while I poo! You just hate me ’cause I’m new! Too original you say? I do not like your Mary Sues. Just one more story for today. Wait– Say! So I will read the slush again. Tomorrow morning we head off on vacation. I’ll be away from cellphone signals, wireless … not even reliable land lines to dial out and connect. I’m sure I’ll be sneaking out with the laptop to hunt the Wild Wireless Signal of Northern Michigan from time to time, but there will be little blogging for the next week and a half, and if you e-mail me, don’t expect an instant response. In the meantime, negative reviews or other complaints should be directed to my friend Optimus.
From a random author interview: “My books are my children. I love them all, and could never pick a favorite.” Same author, different interview: “Oh yes, I trunked several of my children back when I was starting out.” The author at a booksigning: “Psst. Hey, you. Want to buy one of my kids? Take two, the older one and the newborn!” The bookstore staff three months later: “Time to clear some shelf space for the new arrivals. Get out there and start stripping children.” The library, where anyone can– On second thought, I should probably stop. I think we all get the idea. This is one of my least favorite questions, and the one I’m asked most often. The best times are when parents tell me they’ve read the book, but still ask me whether it’s appropriate for children. Yes, this has really happened. On more than one occasion. Should your kid read my book? How the frak should I know? Some parents let their kids read the pop-up Kama Sutra at age six. Others think The Cat in the Hat will turn their children into drugged-out hippies. (Some of Seuss’ more adult works, on the other hand … but that’s another topic.) I understand parents are busy, and don’t have the time to prescreen everything their children read. Heck, I wouldn’t have wanted my parents to limit me to books they had read first. But as an author, it’s a lot easier for me to answer the parent who asks “Does your book have any graphic sexual imagery in it?” than it is “Should my kid read it?” The first parent is asking about my book. The second is asking me to make a parenting decision for his or her child. I have no problem trying to help, but for all our sakes, please don’t be the second parent. Clear enough? Groovy. Because now it’s time to list all the answers I’d like to give, but probably shouldn’t…. “Should my child read your book?”
Please feel free to add your own. Q: How did Sleeping Beauty invest her gold? I’m sorry. That joke popped into my head right before lunch. In a just universe, my nemesis would plot a horrible demise for writing it. My brain is still recovering from the long weekend of lawnwork, back pain, hospital visits (a friend with an injured arm), and family time. So it’s popping about rather randomly right now.
http://www.jimchines.com is pretty much ready to go. I may make a few more changes and additions, including trying to change over to a nicer permalink structure, but it’s basically done. So if you’ve got time, please take a look and try to break it :-) Let me know if you find problems, broken links, or pages that simply look like crap. And my final random point, which is better, classic titanium spork or redesigned ultimate spork? I promise to try to be a little more coherent next time! So yesterday on Facebook I wrote, “I need a nemesis.” Because that’s just the sort of thing you write on Facebook, you know? But the enthusiastic responses got me thinking … a nemesis could be a lot of fun. Anton Strout has Pat Rothfuss. Jeff VanderMeer has Evil Monkey. Why not me? I am therefore holding auditions for the role of nemesis. Please post your qualifications below, including any superweapons developed or nefarious schemes carried out. Extra points will be given for all goatees. Evil references are helpful, but not required. I have no idea what I’m going to do with this. Maybe I’ll force the top candidates to battle online for the high honor of being my nemesis. I might challenge the winner to a Nerf duel of doom at World Fantasy Con. I might send my minions to toilet paper your cat. Maybe I’ll strike a dramatic pose and scream your name after you abandon me on Ceti Alpha V. Or maybe I’ll just post the occasional taunt on my blog. Who knows what lengths I’ll go to in order to triumph over my arch foe. Obviously, this is all in fun. Like many things, I’m doing it ’cause it amuses me. Applications are due by the end of the week. (For those of you who commented over on Facebook, feel free to copy and paste your information here, and to embellish as necessary.) |
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Copyright © 2012 Jim C. Hines - All Rights Reserved |
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Today marks the release of Kelly McCullough’s latest book MythOS 
