|
Jim is on vacation this week, and is blogging from the past! He has very little Internet access, but will read and catch up on comments eventually. Fun fact: Monday’s blog post was written three days in the past. But this one was written seven days in the past! That’s right, Jim is moving backward in time!!! He promises to bring you back a dinosaur. #
Then here we are, half a decade later. The third book is out, and readers everywhere are rushing to read it. (At least, that’s the vision I’m choosing to hold on to!) So today’s blog question is: Hey Jim, why should I join the dozens millions billions of people reading Red Hood’s Revenge? Good question, made-up reader! Here are my completely objective and unbiased answers, many of which are actually true. 1. Talia’s fairy curse. I’m not going to spoil this, but the writers out there know the feeling you get when you come up with a twist that just feels right, something that blows you away. The “truth” behind Sleeping Beauty’s curse did that for me, and I’m hopeful readers will feel the same way. 2. There will be smooching! (No, it’s not a kissing book. It has plenty of fencing and fighting, too.) 3. Hey, what ever happened to _______? I answer this question, for a certain value of ______. 4. All of the cool kids are reading it. 5. If you rearrange the words in the right order, you get a secret message from the president of Zenbox VII. 6. Two words: sewer goblins. 7. Certain elements in this book are guaranteed to offend twice as many people as previous books. 8. The pages are pine scented, so you can use the book as an air freshener for your car after you finish reading. 9. Gazebo. 10. Because kick-ass princesses are awesome, that’s why! In addition to me doing more around the house while my wife recovers, we’re also getting ready for vacation next week, and of course I’m prepping some things for the release of Red Hood. (Yes, when my book comes out, I will be up north where I’ll have little Internet access, and where there’s only one tiny microbookstore within 50 miles. Yes, this will make me approximately 73% crazier than usual.) Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying life has doled out an extra dose of busy lately, so rather than a long, thoughtful blog post, I’m just gonna play today. Your role, should you choose to accept it, is to ask a yes/no question. Any question. I shall answer it. I will do my best to answer all questions, but if it’s something I consider too personal or too spoilery (or if I just don’t know), then your answer may be a bit more random… It surprises me sometimes how many people are uncomfortable reviewing books. I don’t mean a professional, paid review for the New York Times, but just a note on the blog or Amazon or wherever. A lot of people have told me they just don’t know what to say, or they don’t believe they can write a good review. Fear not good people, for I have the solution. Mad Libs Reviews take the stress from reviewing, and make for a much more entertaining read. (In some cases, probably more entertaining than the actual book.) If I were a programmer, I’d set up an app to do this automatically. But I’m not, so we do it the old fashioned way. Choose your words, then read your review of a hypothetical goblin book. Feel free to share any particularly fun lines in the comments. (But remember, this is a family-friendly blog.) Have fun, and tune in next week when I use Mad Libs to write the promo piece for THE SNOW QUEEN’S SHADOW! 1. Noun: ________________ I’ve seen a lot of Internet “discussions” go down in flaming, twisted wrecks over the years. I want to thank everyone who commented on the blog this week. I love that people are able to disagree, but are still willing to listen to what others are saying. I love that while these are things people feel passionately about, I never once had to bring out the Moderator Hammer of Doom. I love that I came away from the discussions with a lot more to think about. Thank you all for that. I had planned to write more today, but I’ve got nothing. I haven’t even caught up on all the comments from yesterday (and I doubt I’m going to be able to respond to everything). So instead, I figured I’d post something fun. Something with ten times the recommended daily allowance of awesomeness. Something like a ninja, who also happens to be a doctor, riding a raptor into battle.
(This is from The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, a silly and thoroughly entertaining web comic which, as far as I can tell, was created mostly for the excuse to draw scenes of ridiculous awesomeness.) General rule: don’t respond to reviews. But then, every rule has an exception… Joshua Palmatier recently posted a review of Mermaid’s Madness that pointed out what he felt was an error. “…at one point, Snow knocks someone down, but without any sign of recovery, the person is back up a few pages later.” I haven’t gone back to double-check this in my book, and I don’t intend to. The book is in print, and it’s not like I can recall and change the copies even if he’s right. Instead, I’ve written a note for my own future reference: When Snow knocks you down, you stay the @#$% down! Already 90 100+ responses to the first novel poll — thanks to everyone for participating and passing the link along. Today, I have a very different but equally vital survey. Vital to me, I mean. See, I’ve been doing the author jacket thing for a few years now, and it works pretty well. But lately I’ve been thinking it needs something more. Lots of authors have leather jackets. Sure, theirs don’t have 41 different pockets, but still … I need something to stand out from the authorly crowd. So I figured I’d add something more, a combination that would be uniquely Jim. What do you think? Yes? No? Needs more plumage?
I’m reminded once again that conflict and drama make popular blog topics. Therefore, I feel it’s time for me to announce my newest project, an unauthorized anthology of Twilight fiction titled Fuschia Eclipse.1 The project will be published by Penguin Droppings, a revolutionary new self-publishing branch of Penguin.2 Publishing is changing, and it’s time to do away with the gatekeepers of traditional publishing and make way for the new millennium! I had originally hoped to be able to pay contributors a token rate of 1/20th of a cent per word3, but after reviewing the Penguin Droppings contract, it turns out contributors will end up owing me $500 per story. However, they will all receive one contributor copy and Valuable Exposure! I’ll only be inviting white male authors for this volume.4 5 But I want to assure everyone I’m neither sexist nor racist. I don’t see race or gender; all I care about is the story! It’s not my fault the only truly great literature comes from white penises! I’m already working on the cover art. I’m thinking something tabloid-style, maybe Jacob Black fighting some vampire raccoons and zombie bunnies?6 All I know is that, for marketing purposes, Jacob will be portrayed by a pale blond kid.7 —
Windycon was a great deal of fun, as always. Got to meet some new folks and catch up with friends … I didn’t have much programming, so in a lot of ways this one turned into a social con for me. Many hugs, lots of hanging out chatting in the lobby and elsewhere. Met some new fans, but managed to keep the ego from getting too swollen (despite certain people’s best efforts). All in all, a good way to spend a weekend. I learned that the steampunk theme brings out a lot of costumers, which was fun to see. Got to hear Tom Smith in concert, ate way too much food, and made it to one and a quarter of my two panels. (DAW vs. Baen was cross-scheduled with the Writing Workshop, so sadly I only caught the last 10 minutes of the panel.) One of the most entertaining moments was when author Kelly Swails donned a Jig the goblin tattoo and decided to pose urban fantasy style, complete with a knife she swiped from the restaurant. Naturally, this called for the full cover art treatment. I’m obviously not a professional graphic designer, but I’m pretty amused by what I was able to put together last night*. Every good goblin-themed urban fantasy requires an equally good title, right? “Goblin Killer Blues” was suggested by archivist Lynne Thomas. Think you can do better? Suggest a title in the comments, and I’ll put the best ideas up for a vote. The winner gets an autographed copy of The Mermaid’s Madness [Amazon | Mysterious Galaxy]. Have fun!
— Slush I Read (Apologies to Seuss) I read slush. That slush I read. Do you like fanfic with vamps? I do not like them Mary Sue. Here’s a tale from D & D! I do not want your D & D. Would you like a hot sex scene? I do not like your pervy tale. That evil font we do not want! Would you read this in the loo? I would not, could not, while I poo! You just hate me ’cause I’m new! Too original you say? I do not like your Mary Sues. Just one more story for today. Wait– Say! So I will read the slush again. Tomorrow morning we head off on vacation. I’ll be away from cellphone signals, wireless … not even reliable land lines to dial out and connect. I’m sure I’ll be sneaking out with the laptop to hunt the Wild Wireless Signal of Northern Michigan from time to time, but there will be little blogging for the next week and a half, and if you e-mail me, don’t expect an instant response. In the meantime, negative reviews or other complaints should be directed to my friend Optimus.
|
 |
|
|
Copyright © 2010 Jim C. Hines - All Rights Reserved |
||
