Fun

BFA Award Longlist and Facebook Silliness

Why is it that the cheaper hotels like Holiday Inn here offer free in-room wireless, but the ones that cost more make you pay for it?

Well, I’m just glad this hotel has it.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been poking around online last night to discover that The Mermaid’s Madness [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy] made the longlist for the British Fantasy Award.  It is, as the name implies, a long list, but I’m quite pleased to be on it.

So you want to know what my brain does on a six-hour drive?  Here’s a taste.

Enjoying Millennicon so far.  It’s a small con, but I got to hang out with Guest of Honor Stephen Leigh (and musical guest of honor S. L. Farrell) and Laura Resnick, did a reading that went over pretty well (even if it I had to rush), and my roomate Steve Saus bought me cookies.  So far, so good!

I’m off to start getting ready for my panel this morning.  Have a great weekend, all!

Cats vs. Dogs: The Results

Last week, I posted the ultimate test of which is better: cats or dogs.  I posed my cat Flit with a copy of Goblin Quest [Mysterious Galaxy | B&N | Amazon] and our new dog Casey with The Stepsister Scheme [Mysterious Galaxy | B&N | Amazon].

Well, the Bookscan results are in, and they’re a bit of a surprise.  Sales of Goblin Quest were exactly the same as in the previous week.  The cuteness that is Flit made absolutely no difference!  I’m thinking perhaps an alternate picture might have worked better.  (And no, that photo is not retouched in any way, except for the caption.)

So then I compared the numbers for Stepsister Scheme.  Comparing last week (with Casey) to the week before (no animals at all), I found that Casey’s photo led to a 10.5% decrease in sales.

There you have it.  Indisputable scientific proof that you people hate dogs!  What’s wrong with you?

For such heartless cruelty, I can think of no more suitable fate than to let you dog-haters suffer at the hands of LEGO Cthulhu — with lasers! This was built by Flickr user ((Primus)).  Click here or on the picture below for the full six-pic story.

Zombie Rhymes: Three Dead Mice

Three Dead Mice
by Jim C. Hines

Three dead mice.
Three dead mice.
Hear how they moan.
Hear how they moan.
They all chased after a bloke named Pat.
He caved in their skulls with a cricket bat.
If only he’d noticed that undead rat
behind the mice
who nipped him twice.


If any of my artistically inclined readers are interested in doing sketches to go with these, please let me know.  No pay or anything like that — it’s all for the sheer, morbid fun.

Guest of Honor Tips

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who chimed in on yesterday’s post.  One of the things I love about my online community is that it’s wonderful for support and for reality-checking–in this case, the reminder that envy is human, and that in fact I’m not the only author in the whole wide world who isn’t getting the six-figure advances 🙂

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So tomorrow I fly to Iowa, where I’ll be doing my first stint as Guest of Honor at a convention. Thank you, Icon!

In order to avoid embarrassing myself too much, I’m compiling a list of suggestions for what notto do as GoH.  Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

  • “I’m your guest of honor, and I’ll wear pants when I’m good and ready!”
  • Guest of Honor Speech: Two hour PowerPoint of I Can Has Cheezburger pics.
  • “Oh, handler?  I would like you to bring me … a shrubbery!”
  • Insist that all filkers sing “The Song of Jig” whenever I enter a room.
  • “I’m here today to tell you about ShamWow! Call now, and I’ll throw in an additional set of ShamWows absolutely free!”
  • If any former guests of honor attend, stalk them back to their hotel room and proclaim “There can be only one!”
  • Respond to all questions with quotes from Ghostbusters, Princess Bride, and Monty Python.
  • Anyone who wants an autograph must first prove they’re not a brains-hungry zombie.

Please feel free to suggest your own.

20 Neil Gaiman Facts

  1. Neil Gaiman once wrote a Nebula-winning story using only the middle row of his keyboard.
  2. Harper Collins has taken out a 2.5 million dollar insurance policy on Neil Gaiman’s accent.
  3. If you write 1000 words and Neil Gaiman writes 1000 words, Neil Gaiman has written more than you.
  4. Neil Gaiman does not use Microsoft’s grammar-check.  Microsoft uses a Gaiman-check.
  5. Neil Gaiman once did the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  In fifteen minutes.  He won two Hugo awards for it.
  6. Neil Gaiman is who the Ghostbusters call.
  7. Most agents charge a 15% commission.  Neil Gaiman’s agent pays him an extra 15% for the privilege of saying “I’m Neil Gaiman’s agent.”
  8. William Shakespeare once came back from the dead to ask for Neil Gaiman’s autograph.
  9. Neil Gaiman is the reason nobody teaches “I before E except after C” anymore.
  10. Some writers take inspiration from the muse.  The muse takes inspiration from Neil Gaiman.
  11. Neil Gaiman once groped Harlan Ellison.
  12. The pen is mightier than the sword; Neil Gaiman has mastered fourteen different styles of penmanship.
  13. Rumor has it that a NY editor rejected Neil Gaiman’s first book.  This can not be confirmed, as the editor in question was never heard from again.
  14. Neil Gaiman can tweet 175 characters.
  15. Neil Gaiman’s personal library includes an autographed copy of the Necronomicon.
  16. Hitler actually won World War II.  Then Neil Gaiman wrote an alternate-history story in which the allies won, and reality was too intimidated to argue the point.
  17. Some authors write in omniscient point of view.  Neil Gaiman lives it.
  18. Neil Gaiman’s next novel is expected to win the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Heisman Trophy.
  19. In any given week, 7 of the top 10 books on the NYT Bestseller List are by pseudonyms of Neil Gaiman.
  20. Neil Gaiman has never written a deus ex machina ending.  However, God once wrote a Gaiman ex machina ending.

Jim C. Hines