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Pose-off with John ScalziETA: While the overall response to the fundraiser and pics continues to be exponentially awesome, I’ve also seen a few areas where response has begun to shift from, “I say, those poses seem remarkably impractical, and how exactly does one do that without dislocating one’s ankle?” to “Hey, guys dressing or posing like girls are both ugly and hilarious!” Which misses the point so badly it’s not even funny. Please see this follow-up post for my thoughts on the context of these poses, the hotness of John Scalzi, and my apology for not better framing and presenting this post in the first place. # When I started the Aicardi Syndrome Fundraiser, I recruited bestselling author and ukelele prodigy John Scalzi to be a bonus goal when we hit the $1000 mark. We raised that much on the first day. Which meant it was time to see once and for all (at least until the next round) who was the true cover-posing master! I issued the challenge, offering him the choice of three book covers to imitate. With the help of his readers, he selected The Taste of Night [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy], by Vicki Pettersson. This was the big one. After warming up, I took a break to walk off the pains of the previous poses, and to mentally prepare myself. I meditated for three days and six nights. I purified my body with a diet of crushed ice, unbuttered toast, and green Skittles. I studied one of our cat to learn the true secret of flexibility. Unfortunately, all I learned was the secret of well-timed cat farts. But my training period was over. I put the Rocky soundtrack on the stereo, changed clothes, and began Operation Sexy Leg. My wife took eight photos, helping me to adjust my stance each time, then giving me a chance to fall down between takes. But I think it was worth it! Dear Internet: I present to you my version of The Taste of Night!
I’d like to thank my daughter for letting me borrow her bracelet, and my wife for the shoes and for letting me sacrifice one of her disposable razors. But John Scalzi wanted to win this thing as much as I did. I don’t know what master he trained with, but whoever that wise and sadistic sensei might be, they turned Mister Scalzi into a posing opponent to be feared. John went all out in his own, special way.
Over on Twitter, John offered his thoughts on the process, saying, “AAAARRRGH MY HIP!” I’d like to thank everyone for their donations and generosity so far, and John in particular for his willingness to play along. Please remember that the fundraiser runs through the end of the month, and the money raised supports both research into Aicardi Syndrome and the biannual conference which helps to unite these families, connecting them to a much-needed network of support. And remember, there are more goals to come, including the $5000 group pose with me, Scalzi, Stross, Rothfuss, and Kowal! You know you want to see this, and we’re getting so close! But first, it’s time to make your voice heard! (I’m crossing my fingers that the poll widget works!) 206 comments to Pose-off with John Scalzi |
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Scalzi’s enthusiasm and costume are great. But I have to go with Hines for my vote. He has the exact pose of Joanna/Olivia down pat whereas Scalzi didn’t quite master it.
I really, REALLY want to link this to The Hawkeye Initiative.
Actually, the real question is where did you get the crossbow?
Um. Mr. S. is buying votes –
but I’m still voting for Jim. Great job, guys!
I am voting for Jim only because he shaved his legs.
OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH.MY.GOODNESS.
SPUTTER. GAK! Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
you forgot to mention the illustration was by christian mcgrath!
Lean to the left, Scalzi!
Kudos to both of you for risking hip-displacement. But Jim has risked the itch of freshly shaved legs – be afraid, be very afraid. ‘Butter knife’ made me giggle and I was supremely grateful for the fact that John’s dress covered….what needed to be covered. Was this not his first posing foray? He did an awesome job. Can’t wait to see more!
Wow! Kudos to both of you for daring to do it for charity! Although I came in from Scalzi’s website to take a look, I have to give my vote to Jim! A wig is easy to put on, but shaving your leg! Dedication, dude! Now you know what we otherwise hirsute women must do on an at least weekly basis!
I had to vote for Scalzi because it appears he already had the wig and dress and was prepared for such an eventuality. You can always tell with cross-dressers.
I voted Jim on the leg shaving. Good heaven above — that’s dedication. He didn’t even stop at the knee! And I think he said it was a disposable, which makes it all the more impressive.
I have to admit though I wasn’t aware of the flagrant vote buying, which, in this case, is the whole point of the exercise. Hmmm…. Is multiple voting allowed?
I do see John every time I close my eyes… Will the next round make this better or worse?
I had to vote for Jim, because he got the hip position correct.
Well, Hines definitely has the better gams.
But one look at Scalzi’s photo makes me think there is a circle in Hell where you enter a room every day at dawn and are greeted with the sight of this, all the while intoning “It pats the master’s legs because they are the prettiest.”
So I’m voting for Scalzi out of sheer horror.
Hello:
I concur with the posters above that indeed this is why the internet was invented. FYI: I submitted your link to Fark.com and it made it to their main paige (right now). So you should feel quite a bit of extra traffic for the next day or so.
The shaved leg is the vote winner.
Thank you for that!
Jim wins for accuracy and dedication. The shaving, the right leg — all good.
Also, I believe this was supposed to be humorous, not horrifying, so Jim wins again.
I was torn about who to vote for.
Shaving vs. wearing a LBD in public.
Scalzi got the left foot pose right vs. Hines got the hip balance more nearly correct.
And so on. Then John bought my vote. Well, that made it easy.
I appreciate Jim’s air of grim resolution and John’s crazy, crazy eyes. How can there be only one winner? How?
I wish the two of you would do this for a calendar for charity next year.
Love the wig! But I had to go with Jim’s pose. The leg shaving, the tension and even the expression on his face is so more true to the original. 9/10.
I managed to vote, after laughing so hard that the pups had to come see what was wrong.
Dear god, man, you have one beautiful leg. I thought you’d cheated and Photoshopped it in, but no, you went hardcore and shaved it for the pose. And for that you get my vote.
And do all writers have crossbows? Cool!
The shaved leg is a win for me, and while I have to give Scalzi points for lighting and backdrop, his knee is bent in the wrong direction.
My vote goes to Jim.
I have to vote for Hines; his leg is terrifyingly more sexy than the leg of the woman on the actual cover.
I voted for Jim, because he shaved his leg, he strapped a butterknife to his “sexy, sexy thigh”, and he tried hard to replicate the insane pose. Scalzi, however, had a better facial expression and better costuming.
I must state that I feel this was an unbiased vote because I actually purchased “Red Shirts” (which some motherfucker borrowed from me and didn’t return) and have not yet purchased any of Jim’s works.
Good work, gentlemen!
Jim’s spot-on pose, along with the admirable shaved-leg committment, gets high technical merit points for sure. However….although John’s pose is really pretty poor, the uber-creepy combination of the facial expression, amplified by the blonde wig, not only arrests the onlookers’ attention, but tries it, jails it, throws the key away and bricks up the cell’s doorway.
Decision…. John, for overwhelming artistic merit. [sorry, Jim. I hope your leg hair grows back normally...]
I think I need brain bleach. =:-O
I must vote for Scalzi. His eyes command me to.
Very close, guys, but both of you have your right hip *over* your right (weight-bearing) foot. The lady on the cover has her right hip at least a half a foot to the outside of where her foot sits on the ground. You have not managed to break physiological rules like the cover does! SO disappointing!!!!
(Seriously though, bravo.
Still licking my lips here…)
I cannot vote. Such dual greatness defies a decision.
Jim wins it for having the pose closer to the original and for his very lovely left leg.
John…um. The dress, the body hair…the wig, the facial hair…I am speechless.
I had to go with Scalzi, for the same reason, but in opposite direction to most of the above: Yes, I agree Jim is more accurate, but the UNSHAVED legs give John’s post that extra level of ICK!!!! to take him over the top.
Well played, both of you!
Objectivization of men. . .It just doesn’t work. . .But it is hilarious!
I have to say, Jim did the better reproduction. The rounding of the shoulders, the leg, the tilt of the head.
But the wig! The hairy legs! Aaaaaaghhhhh!
I vote for Hines. He has the pose almost perfect, his right hand is turned just a little but not to bad. Besided he went to all the trouble of shaving his leg or legs and that says a lot.
I am going to go with Mr. Jim C. Hines, only because of the knees and head tilt. John’s outfit was better, but his head was tilted the wrong way. also, his left (our right) knee was bent and Jim’s was straight.
Does Jim’s leg look photoshopped to anyone else? It just looks really skinny.
Congrats to the Acardi Syndrome Foundation for being the true winner!
I used Photoshop to trim out the background in order to match the cover design, but I tried not to shave off any actual leg. I guess it’s possible a few pixels of leg got lost in that process. But I do have fairly thin legs/ankles…
I think Jim Hines did nail the pose, but I voted for John Scalzi because I loved the little black dress and the blond wig. You can’t tell me he borrowed those from Krissy, either! Not her style at all.
John Scalzi’s a good sport, but you win, Jim. Of course, your wife helped.
Well, I had to vote for Scalzi because each vote equals a donation. He bought my vote. But if he hadn’t, I would have voted for Jim. He got the right tilt of the head.
Beyond Jim’s shaved leg, which seems roughly as stunning as John’s wig, there is the whole rest of the cover! Jim has a nice parody of the entire layout: the cropped photo background, the title and other colored text blocks, and his leg in front of the text. That’s a clear win.
Okay!
1: Voting for Jim, because that pose is pretty accurate! Plus, he shaved. Nightmarish, the first time shaving your legs.
2: I’m a nineteen-year-old girl, and, out of curiosity, decided to try the pose in my mirror. It wasn’t completely accurate, as I don’t own any black pumps (settled for electric blue) and just did it in jeans. (I also “borrowed” my brother’s crossbow) It’s not anatomically impossible. I’m fairly flexible though — I used to be a gymnast. However, even if the pose is possible for a fairly flexible young woman, it’s not COMFORTABLE. Also, no one seemed to mention how hard the FOOT position was! My foot did not want to point that way in pumps… I had to actually “point” my foot like I used to in gymnastics to get it to face the right way. My ankle hurts now.
John gets my vote, but probably because I was waylaid by the demented look in his eyes. Next time, though, you gotta bleach those leg hairs to match that wig!
I may be a Scalzi fangirl but I gotta give credit to Jim for this. While Scalzi will haunt my dreams the pose just isn’t authentic enough and I gotta give a ton of credit to Jim for almost pulling that nonsense off. Plus who doesn’t love silky smooth legs.
My nine year old daughter votes for Jim.
OK, next time I want to see some work on incorporating sexyface into the pose. Mr. Scalzi looks positively demented and Mr. Hines looks terrified and pained. All of these may be accurate (!), but to really go for gold you have to contort your body in an impossible way, not fall over, and also POUT.
I’ll do my best, but for this one, all I could really manage was the expression of “Oh God please take the picture so I can fall down already!!!”
Jim totally wins…except John is donating 5 cents per vote. He successfully bought mine
P.S. Jim, you have a lovely leg.
So nice to see other authors picking promoting this pose off! And I’m LOL that Gordon (half of the Ilona Andrews writing team) is good natured enough to say he would participate
http://www.ilona-andrews.com/news/friends/jim-hines-and-scalzi-pain-for-a-good-cause/comment-page-1#comment-89628
I voted for Jim because he had the right look in his eyes: John looks like he is about to break out in a giggle.
Whereas I just felt like I was about to break
AIIIEEEEEE! These eyez cannot unseez whut they hav seez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim gets the right leg positioned better–which I suspect is harder to do, affecting the center of gravity. John’s pose admits that the nether regions exist–not usually a female cover trope!
Jim for accuracy and fun, Scalzi for AUYSGYUTWWWAAAOMG!!! fun.
So, Jim.
Wow, Jim, you have really nice legs! I love your “poses”, and kudos to Scalzi for playing along!
I love this! but I cant decide, Jim has the nicest legs, but John is rocking the dress and the wig! how do I vote? Ack! I am now an “undecided voter”!
Jim, you really nabbed that pose. Scalzi’s hair looked great, but your gams were top notch. Thanks for this amusing installment in fighting sexism and helping charity!
I have never been so utterly and completely satisfied in my entire life.
This fundraiser and the pose-offs have brought so much light and fun into a holiday season made grim by the news. Yeah, yeah, I know all about the original idea, and the serious gender issues behind it–to say nothing of the serious cause this fundraiser supports. But that doesn’t detract from the smiles and giggles you and your co-conspirators have inspired. That’s an amazing gift to all of us. I can’t wait to see what you, Scalzi and the rest of the Gang of Five come up with next.
No, wait. Some things cannot be unseen… My eyes!
Best holiday wishes.
It’s too late! The next challenge HAS BEEN ISSUED!
Sorry, Scalzi – I got to give it to Hines.
I voted for Jim, Cause the smooth legs did it for me.
Awesome work, keep it up
Okay, this made my morning… I used to model for a comic book artist and have scads of pictures of me in the most improbable poses, including the one shown above. Sure, you can hold the pose, but fighting from it? Hah! I am hard-pressed to decide which one of you gents did the pose better… brilliant!
I’ve begun changing my co-workers desktop background to the Scalzi picture when they foolishly leave their computers unlocked. It provides me endless amounts of joy.
I approve of this plan!
All in the name of improving network security, of course!
Funny and anti-sexism? Score!
That’s given me the extra nudge to pick up several of John Scalzi’s books, and I’ve just added two of Jim Hines’ to my Audible account for next month.