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Evolution of my (Lack of) Fashion SenseI’ve never really understood fashion.
But in general, clothes are something to keep me warm and to avoid the social awkwardness of parading around naked. All I cared about was that they were comfortable and covered up what they were supposed to. This wasn’t a big deal in elementary school. I could show up in hand-me-down pants 10 years out of style or turtlenecks and sweatervests, and nobody cared. My plastic-framed glasses let me read the chalkboard and avoid walking into walls, and that was what mattered. Things changed in 6th grade. Suddenly my sneakers were wrong, my pants were wrong, my shirts were wrong, and my glasses were wrong. Some of the other kids spent a great deal of time and energy making sure I knew how much my look screamed “nerd.” For the first time, I started to pay attention to what I wore. When I went clothes shopping, I looked for anything that would deflect attention. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was beginning to develop a sense of style based on a single goal: I wanted to be invisible. A friend described it as the gray-man approach. If people were going to give me crap about how I dressed, how I talked, how I interacted with others, how much I read, and so on, then I would do my best to blend into the background and avoid notice. When I picked out glasses, I followed the same strategy: I chose whatever was comfortable and least likely to attract attention. Simple designs, thin metal frames. Contact lenses for a while. For the most part, my style was all about the unobtrusive. Even in my thirties, I automatically avoided anything remotely close to the bulky plastic nerd-glasses of my youth.
I’m 38 years old now. I still don’t care about fashion (though I have nothing against those who do). But I was out shopping for new glasses a few weeks back, and something was different. Maybe it’s the antidepressants and therapy putting me in a different space. Maybe it’s being old enough that I finally don’t give a damn anymore. But as the woman who was helping me brought over a pile of frames similar to my old ones, they just struck me as boring. So I asked, “What about something … different?” She got an odd smile on her face and came back with another pile of frames to try on. Some didn’t work at all. And nothing in this pile was terribly subtle … yet I couldn’t bring myself to buy another damn pair of bland glasses. I kept returning to a pair of plastic frames that looked much like the nerd-specs of my youth. I was torn. I even posted a picture to Twitter and got mixed reactions. A friend gave me a flat-out “No.” But I kept looking in that mirror. The woman helping me said not everyone could make those frames work, but she thought I could. I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before. That, in terms of style, I could make something work. That little voice inside got louder, and I started to realize it was … not angry, but old and tired and defiant, asking, Who gives a shit what the other kids think? My self-esteem is in pretty good shape these days. I have a healthy ego. (Perhaps too healthy, sometimes.) I feel good about who I am and what I’ve accomplished. And yet those voices from a quarter of a century ago were still whispering in the back of my brain. What’s up with that? I write fantasy novels. I blog and socialize on the Internet. I go to science fiction conventions. I play Dungeons & Dragons and watch Avatar: The Last Airbender with my son. I built a LEGO Tardis and a customized Doctor Who minifig. This is who I am. I’m therefore dedicating this picture of me in the new glasses to every person, TV show, movie, and book that ever flung the word “nerd” at me like it was a bad thing. 40 comments to Evolution of my (Lack of) Fashion Sense |
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I mean, I understand wanting to look good, and I get that clothes can affect how you feel. When I was tuxed up for Writers of the Future 13 years ago, I was amused to note how it affected my posture and manners. The leather jacket of infinite pockets I picked up a few years ago is something I’ve learned to associate with Jim-the-Writer, and helps me get into that mindset. (It’s exactly like Bruce Wayne’s psychological transformation when he dons his cape and cowl. I am Writing Batman!)
Rock on, man. You look great.
Best. Picture. Ever.
I was tearing up by the end of this post, because I’ve gone through much the same evolution, even down to the glasses. I love the pic! You rock.
::Wondertwin fistbumps fractal::
IAWTC
I think you look hot in those glasses – very nerd chic!
ooh, I love them! I’m a big frames nerd; I love being able to match my glasses to my outfit. I have a pinterest board dedicated to inexpensive frames I can wear while skating in a variety of colors that I intend to buy.
It’s a nice touch to see the Hugo in the picture. Rock on.
It was a total coincidence, I’m sure
Yeah, the funniest part is, you’re actually totally in style, even if it was completely accidental. You’ll always look good as long as you are wearing what you want to wear because you want to wear it.
Yeah, you can pretty much bet that if I’m in style, it was a total accident
Oh my, you went alt rock and so yes, you are totally hip by accident. And they look good!
I had that recently too — I had to get new reading glasses (and probably will need to get bifocals soon,) and before I had a thin metal “floating” frame because it was light, nearly invisible and because I really wanted to pretend I didn’t have reading glasses.
And they looked good on me and I could have had the new glasses on the same frame. But I ended up picking instead these black frames with little Spanish filigree bits at the joint and the earpieces have a scratch pattern on them. Totally not me glasses, but actually, pretty much me glasses. And very visible.
I give you the lead singer of Weezer:
[IMG]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_H49yKKc_QvM/SK3dT3G2x2I/AAAAAAAAAS0/9ArqI_49f1k/s400/glasses2.png[/IMG]
Okay, that didn’t work, here’s the regular link:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_H49yKKc_QvM/SK3dT3G2×2I/AAAAAAAAAS0/9ArqI_49f1k/s400/glasses2.png
You get on with your bad self! You own those glasses.
LOL! That is a fantastic picture, and those glasses completely suit your face – they’re perfect. Very appealing and not in the least nerdy. Go, you!
Maybe it’s because we’re not friends and I’m not used to seeing you every day in the old frames, but I think that look really works for you.
I think you look good in them, Jim. Here’s a lesson it took me a long time to learn. Looking good has very little to do with actual appearance. In my job I’ve worked with young people who have the supermodel look and affectee absolutely bomb because they couldn’t get their mojo working. And I’ve also seen grey hairs with less than optimal body line absolutely stun a room when they walk in. And it all has to do with how comfortable they are with themselves. They own their own skin.
Wear what you want to wear because you feel good and like them. Fuck everybody else.
I’ve discovered the same thing. Attitude, confidence, personality, those things really do make someone physically attractive. (Or unattractive, at times.)
Thoroughly internalizing that lesson seems to take a little longer though, ya know?
Woo!
Thanks for the kind words, all!
That’s a great picture. Also, I genuinely like the glasses.
Thumbs up from me, Jim.
Hey Jim! You totally rock the specs. I can relate to your post, though. I spent most of my younger years trying to become invisible too. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that I wasted all that time trying to appease others in some desperate bid for self-preservation, but then the self-preservation part reminds me that I did what I felt I needed to do.
As an adult, I learned that my dad had a lot of the same self-consciousness in a lot of ways (though instead he became more of a troublemaker), and it wasn’t until he was about 45, in his words, that he realized that he didn’t have to impress anybody and decided to just be himself. At least we beat him by a few years on that one.
That pictures of you standing in front of the brick wall? My mother-in-law has THAT EXACT PICTURE of my husband at that age. Wearing those exact glasses. Wearing an ill-fitting basketball uniform.
I’d ask if you were secretly the same person, except that my husband doesn’t rock the shaved/clipped hair as you currently do.
“…except that my husband doesn’t rock the shaved/clipped hair as you currently do.”
At least, NOT THAT YOU KNOW OF!
“Clothes are something to keep me warm and to avoid the social awkwardness of parading around naked.”
This is such an epiphany. I love this line, thank you.
Also, those glasses are awesome!
Sometimes you write as if I had a younger brother – the cool one who escaped and yet went through the same sixth grade shit and evolution ever since.
And your credo at the end reminded of that bit I’m sure you know from Ray Bradbury, when he got ridiculed in grade school for being so nerdy as to collect Buck Rogers comic strips. He tore them up, felt crappy for months, and finally decided he couldn’t deny who he was:
“I went back to collecting Buck Rogers. My life has been happy ever since. For that was the beginning of my writing science fiction. Since then, I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space-travel, sideshows or gorillas. When such occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.”
I wasn’t actually familiar with the Bradbury quote, but I love it
I love everything about this post! I remember being picked on as a kid in much the same way over my perfectly comfy clothes and glasses and it is amazing how much it can still affect your thinking as an adult. I remember trying as a kid to be in style and then going through an anti-style phase and now I’ve come around to being ok with being stylish when I want to be and also being non-stylish when I want to be, I don’t have to conform or rebel just to prove a point, I truly wear what I want now.
You definitely pull off your new glasses and geek chic is totally in as I was happy to see when I got new glasses last year, mostly because bigger lenses are finally coming back in instead of the increasing smaller and smaller ones that were all the rage over the last few years before that.
The Then and Now pix are terrific. (I really wanted to say adorable, but didn’t know if that would be appreciated.) I have to say, tho, that I don’t think the new glasses look nerdy. But consider the source.
Dude! You rock those glasses!
Was wondering if your friend has read the Wheel of Time or if the grey man reference was a total coincidence? I’m loving it either way.
It seems to me that no matter how many cliches we are fed as kids, we never really believe them til we’re older. Funny.
I can’t say for certain, but knowing that particular friend, I suspect so.
I love your new glasses, and I love that you decided to get them no matter what anyone else says! Great attitude.
I wore the “wrong” clothes in school. I heard girls whispering about me all through junior high. Clothes keep you from being naked in public, absolutely. Unfortunately, a lot of people expect everyone to be trendy.
I dress how I like. I don’t care if it’s trendy, especially when the trend is unflattering (skinny jeans). Being me and being genuine about who I am is so much more important than any negative opinion anyone can have about how I dress.
Rock on with your bad self in those fabulously nerdy glasses.
Great post, but I’m going to quibble. The early 90s long hair was not a blend-into-the-wall sort of look
That said, you do seem to have a much more confident presence (at least photographically) than in the days when we used to compete to see who could say the least in English class. Cheers to you!
For the most part, I’m surprisingly comfortable with myself, and I have a much healthier self-esteem than I ever could have predicted. (Occasionally my family lets me know my ego is getting a bit *too* healthy
) The glasses thing had just become a habit, and I think after 34 years, it was pretty deeply ingrained.
Which means it was time to toss that sucker to the curb.
And now I’m going to be MSU reminiscing all night
Going anon so I can tell you that you look really hot in those glasses. Seriously.
Why thank you
[...] off, I’d like to thank Jim C. Hines for getting my mind cranking on this topic. His post here echoes my recent glasses shopping experience nearly exactly. (Go ahead and read it. I’ll [...]